What I did instead....

I set a huge running goal in April.  But, I didn't make it.  Not only did I not make it to my goal for April, but I didn't even match my goal from March which I was so proud of.  Here's the thing though.... I have had a fantastic month.  It has been busy and stressful but still overall rewarding.  Here is what I did in April instead of running 115 miles (the bullet points are for added dramatic effect)

• ran 76.76 miles
• burnt 12,950 calories while running those miles
• lost 2 pounds
• packed most of my house up and hauled it to storage
• purged a lot of stuff that I do not need anymore
• listed the house on the market
• cleaned the house for photos and then cleaned almost daily to maintain that cleanlines

• ran the Maple Syrup 5k for the second year and took a minute and a half off my time from last year
• ran the Get in Gear 10k also taking a minute and a half off my 10k time
• received a job offer which after many hours of praying, thinking, and crying I had to turn down
• ran my first night run this month and loved it
• ran the longest run I have ever run.... 9.2 miles and cherished that emotional high of being amazed by  doing something that I never thought would be possible
• committed to the MS Mud Run in September
• committed to a relay portion of the med-city marathon in May
• our 12 person Ragnar Relay team met for the first time.  We are going to have a great time in August running that crazy 195 mile run.  I committed to the team before April, but I think we would all agree it felt real when we all met as a team
• made it to the gym at least 12 times to get my BCBS reimbursement... oh yeah and to work out :)
• showered at least once a day and slept at least 4 hours in every 24 hour time period
• took the kids letterboxing for the first time
• the two kids are still fed, healthy, growing, and happy
• worked nights holidays and weekends and only used 6 hours of vacation time

Ok... so when I was bummed that I wasn't going to make it to my goal I thought about all that has happened this month and realized that I had a damn good month!  I have been productive.... moving forward with selling the house and looking for a place of my own.  I have maintained my health and my sanity.  The kids seem to be processing the emotional side of everything well .  I am happy and excited about the running commitments that I have made to myself and various teams.  I am constantly amazed by the blessings that God brings with good friends and wonderful family.  

So I rewarded myself yesterday with a one hour massage which felt wonderful followed by lunch with a good book and then a haircut.  

I will close with a quote from a book I just started: "Life isn't static... Thank God.  It's constantly in motion.  Sometimes we find ourselves caught up in currents and carried along where we don't want to go.  Then we find out later that God's hand was in it all along."  The Scarlet Thread by Francine Rivers

It's been a stuggle... but I have a scapegoat

This week of running has been hard at best.  I am struggling to get out there...and even when I am out there I feel like I am running with weights strapped to me.  Ugggh.... I'm tired.  I've thought about it a lot.  It can't possibly have anything to do with me not eating right, or not sleeping much, nooooo.  I'm positive that the emotional turmoil in my life this week can't possibly be related.  Selling my house and essentially moving out in less then a week would never affect my ability to run.  Seriously... it has to be the shoes!!! 

I have completely worn out the pink and white Nikes that I have loved dearly for about a year now.  All winter long they were my indoor gym shoes... then I brought them back outside this spring and they began to fall apart.  Now there is a certain sense of pride to the holes that I have put in these shoes.  There was a lot of sweat and mental strength involved in ruining these shoes.  There is barely any tread left on the bottoms of these poor shoes.  They have been my friend for a year.  I think I am sad.  BUT.... then I find this new pair... They are pretty.... especially made for trail running which I love dearly.  I think I have fallen in love.

So I have been wearing them for a week.... and here is the problem.  I hate them.  I've never had trouble breaking in a new pair of shoes.  Yes, they have great tread and I do notice a different on the trails... but then my beloved pink and white ones are nearly bald so there really is no comparison there.  I think it is NOT a conincidence that my runs have been yucky for a week now....AND I have been wearing new shoes for this week.  By deductive reasoning alone my problems are not the food, the sleep, the stress.....no.  My problem is the new shoes.  You'll see my in my tread-bear pink and white Nikes with the holes on the sides next week.

I set a goal..... and blah blah blah

They always say that when you set a goal you should do two things.  First write it down on paper.  Second tell someone else your goal.  I'm not sure if blogging counts as writing it down on paper, but facebook certainly counts as telling someone.  It is funny how our brains work.  I can tell myself that I am going  to run 100 miles in the month of March (momentary happy dance).  But, if I only tell myself and I don't achieve that goal then I am the only one that knows thereby living in my own disappointment but not having to face the facts with anyone else.  Not that any of my friends or family are going to berate me for missing my goal by a mile or two....that is not the point.  There is something about telling your friends that you are going to do something that makes you, well me anyway, much more inclined to follow through.  So it's on facebook... and it is on here as well that my goal for the month of April is 115 miles and to run a new route or location once a week.  Completely achieveable but I will have to work at it.  So, I ask you all my friends and family.... hold me accountable.  Please ask me how many miles I ran or where I ran today.  I love to talk about it with people who want to know.  But, if I am talking and it sounds like blah blah blah to you.... well then you have my permission to tell me to shut it.  Now.... how am I going to get all the other stuff done this month.... hmmmmm.... oh well.  Procrastinate I say.

Ragnar Training....ack!!!!

Ok..... I set this crazy goal for myself to start off my Ragnar Relay training strong with a great first month.  Half way through the month of March was looking great... and even now I am looking at my log and I show running and eliptical combined total of nearly 80 miles.  My goal is 100.  Now I am at work for the weekend and I am just not sure that I am going to make it.  Not because I don't want to try, not because of an injury, but just because of time constraints.  Turns out that I do have to do more in this life of mine than run.  Urrgggg.   I am frustrated... but need to stay positive.  By the time I get through this weekend I will still have 3 days to get that 20 miles in... and who knows maybe I will get a run in tomorrow (Saturday too).  For now, I am stuck being frustrated, and trapped here at work.  The great news is that I had a wonderful night out with J and was honored to be part of her amazing gift this morning. She is surrounded by friends and prayers and I just know there will be another miracle in about 9 months!

I just don't see it....

Ok, here is the kind of random crap that goes through my mind while I am working out and have the gym to myself.  I continue to get compliments on my weight loss (no this is not me patting myself on the back)... but really the scale hasn't changed at all in about 6 months.  I know I have a few things that fit differently...so maybe the fat is just moving around.  Another random thought ... mid first random thought..... why are there mirrors EVERYWHERE in the gym?  Anyway, so I am trying to figure out what has changed.  This thought occurs to me while I am on the elliptical... then again walking by one of the dreaded mirrors.... then while lifting free weights.  Seriously, I just don't see it.  That is where the odd picture above comes in.  I was on one of those machines and working on my legs and I decide that maybe perhaps if I take a picture of my mid section that I could see my body for what everyone else sees.  The picture isn't horrific (I wouldn't post it if it was)  but I just don't see it.  So alas I am back at the scale hasn't changed in at least 6 months.... and I think everyone else is nuts too.

Other random thoughts while at the gym.... why does everyone leave the televisions on, and turned up so freakin' loud.  (yes, I am the gym mom that turns every thing off when I am alone there)  Why can't I decide where I want the fat to melt from?  Why am I not sleeping?  Why do I type a blog that no one else reads?  When will the street sweeper go by my house and whisk away the sand that is out there?  Must remember to drive slowly on the way home so as not to get pulled over again.  There were more, but I am tired now... off to dreamland for me.

Just say no to ....Jelly beans??

Last night at work I was sugar hungry.  I get that way sometimes.  I just have a craving for unnessary amounts of sugar.  So I purchased a bag of Starburst jelly beans on my Kwik Trip run.  It seems harmless enough... I even shared them with a couple of co-workers and one of the officers who stopped in. (This really is a short story that I am making very long.)  What I learned today is that jelly beans eaten between one and five in the morning do not make for a good run the following afternoon.  You would think that the sugar would get me moving.  I am here to tell you it does not.  My three mile run felt like I had a full case of jelly beans strapped to my butt.  It was not a great feeling...and I am quite positive it was not a pretty site.  Anyway, I survived a short run, lived to tell about it, and I was shocked but proud to admit that when I got to work today there were still jelly beans in my locker.  I had actually forgotten about them.  Hmmm.... sugar sounds good about now... and so the cycle begins again.

Seriously.... ME?!?

Ok....here is the background on this story. Back in January I went in for a one hour massage with Mandy...she is awesome. She also runs and we were talking about half marathons and marathons and she mentioned the Ragnar Relay. She said it was a lot of fun, and that I should do it if I could find 11 other people to run with me. I looked at it, but alas...I am but one person and that is all I did. Now, fast foreward about 2 months to a very energetic email that I received from Lisa (an old friend whom I am looking foreward to reconnecting with) about two weeks ago. Seriously? Me? Running Ragnar? Hmmmm....... The things that ran through my mind at the time... new year, new me, new life, hmmmm... never run Ragnar before....that is new. Hmmmm..... seriously, me? I'm in... both feet, I'm excited and nervous, but I am in. For anyone who stumbles face first upon my ramblings... here is the guts of what Ragnar really is. Twelve of your closest friends (they will be soon anyway), 195 miles of running, and 24 hours to run it relay style. We will be running from Winona MN to Minneapolis MN, zigzagging our way across the Mississippi river all the way up to Stillwater before winding back around to Minneapolis. Did I mention that this is running? Seriously, me? wow I must be nuts! Well, for the fun of it I decided to pick up where I had left off on this blog last summer sometime and actually blog about my training and the experiences that I have in the process. Let's go running!